"This must be the place." I stood in front of the door, assuming that this is where
Jegudiel lives. I knocked then a young woman opened the door for me. "Yes, may I
help you?" I was wondering if she was the only one who lived here so I asked, "Pardon me for bothering you this early, but may I ask if you are the only one living here?" "Yes. Why do you ask? Are you looking for someone else?" Jegudiel is a woman? Then again it could happen since angels don't have bodies and you really can't tell whether it is a he or a she. "Jegudiel?" "How do you know my name?" "I'm your brother, Gabriel." She stood still for a while and stared at me. "Yes?" "Gabriel? Is it really you? Goodness, I'm so happy to see you! Come in, come in." When I entered her room, I saw a mountain of  junk. Everything was just scattered everywhere. "Oh, don't mind the trash. I haven't
cleaned up since my maid left." "And when was that?", I asked. "Umm...abuout three years ago." "Th...three years ago?", I stammered. "Yes and I'm the only one living here so it's kind of hard to keep up with the needs of the house, but I'm not alone. You see, this little girl who comes to my house everyday and we talk until the sun sets. Oh, Gabi, I want you to meet her. She's just the cutest thing. I feel sorry for her though. Her mom and dad died a long time ago
and she lives with her aunt who barely even stays with her so she comes here a lot. Hee hee..." "You're quite talkative, aren't you?" "Oh, yes. I can go on for days. So Gabi, what are you doing here?" "Well, I wanted to see if ..." I was cut off when Jegudiel screamed as she heard the door bell ring. She opened the door to see the little girl that she was just talking about stand in front
of her door step. "Jessa!" "Hi Jedy." They greeted each other then the little girl noticed me. "Jedy, is that your boyfriend?" "No, he's my...brother." "Oh...hi." She waved at me so I waved back and introduced my self. "I'm Gabriel and you must be Jessa, I heard." "Yes, I come here everyday and visit Jedy here." "So I heard. We were just talking about it." "You're a nice person. Too bad you're
not Jedy's boyfriend." I just chuckled. After a few hours of listening to their conversations, I got tired of standing up and looked for some place to sit. I spotted a chair, but unfortunately I had to get rid off all the trash and fold all the clothes that was just hanging there. I fixed the last of her  clothes, but then I found under all the mess, drugs. She had all kinds. Cocaine, Heroin, Ecstasy and
more. Why would she be taking all this? I waited for the little girl to leave so that I could talk to Jegudiel about this privately. "Jedy, I have to go now. My aunt said that she'll be coming home early because we're going to have dinner out, okay?" "Oh, is that so? Okay, bye then." "Good bye, Gabriel.",
she waved at me again. "Good bye, Jessa. You take care of yourself, okay?"  "Don't worry. I will." "Isn't she just the sweetest thing?" "Yes, she is..." "Oh, right. I'm sorry, Gabi. I didn't entertain you
at all. You were going to ask me something?" "Yes, I was. Jegudiel, how long have you been with that girl?" "About five years now. She just lives next door." "Have you had any problems lately?" I wasn't going straight to the point yet, but I'll get there." "Not really...why do you ask?" "I thought you weren't like that.
When I saw you with that girl, you seemed very happy. Tell me, what is your problem? Is it something  related to her?" "Why are you so concerned?" She started to get scared. "I found this under the mess you had." I held the drugs up for her to see." "Gabriel, it's not what you think. It's just..." "It's just what, huh?
Being sent down here doesn't give you the execuse to sin all you want. Your brother, Uriel gave me that pathetic execuse. Are you like him too? Are all of you like this?!" Jegudiel got down on her knees and  started crying. She begged me, "Gabriel, please don't get mad at me. I'm trying, okay? I really am so
please....don't get mad at me. I want you to help me. I am in the lowest lowest point of my being. I know that relying on drugs is pathetic, but if I don't I'm afraid that I might just kill myself. Help me, Gabriel." I guess I didn't have the right to get mad at her yet. She hasn't explained her part of the story so I asked,
"Tell me, what troubles you?" "Five years ago when I was sent down here in earth, I started with nothing. I had no money. I had no house to live in and I didn't know anyone. I was a beggar. I slept in the side of the
streets, I begged for food, but then one day she came up to me and offered me a place to stay. I accepted that offer and until then she has been taking care of me. I use her to get money, Gabriel. I pretend to be kind
to her so I'll be able to get everything I want." "Wait, you're telling me that your relationship with her...it's all fake? A sham?" "Yes..." "How come?" "Because I love no one, but God himself. I follow him and only him.
I love him and no one else. There is nothing or no one else that I need. I use this girl so that I could survive. I want to do someting for him before I die. I want him to be proud of me. I want to prove to him that even if I'm away from him, I will still show him how much I care. When you entered my door, Gabriel, I knew that God
is trying to tell me something. You are his messenger, right?" How could I not get mad at this woman. She's crazy and selfish. "You've got it all wrong, Jegudiel. What you are doing, it is not what he wants." She started to become
paranoid. "Huh? Then what? Tell me, Messenger of God, what am I to do? What can I do to be loved by him?" "Love him back and follow him. That is all." "But I do love him. I do follow him." "No, you just think that. What you are
showing is not love, but obsession. Now I understand. You tried so hard, but then you lost yourself and it's all because of this!" I took the drugs in my hand again and showed it to her then I threw it away. "Don't be naive.
Do you really think that he'll be happy of what you're doing? Do you really think that taking drugs and pretending to love someone who cares about you so much will make him happy, huh?! "Everything I do, I do it for him."
"Well being selfish won't make him proud of you. I'm sorry, but I can't help someone who can't even help himself. You were given the name 'Glory of God', but what is there to be happy about? You are just some crazy lunatic
running loose. You've already lost yourself." "Shut up, Gabriel! What would you know? You are not God! I don't even think that you should be called his messenger because he would never insult me. You're just like the rest of us
so what makes you think that you're so special?"  "I'm not happy about this and neither is he." "Don't go deciding things by yourself! He's unhappy because of us all and that includes you. That's why he sent us down here as a punishment."
"Good bye, Jegudiel. I hope that I'll see you in heaven again." "Gabriel, come back here! Don't walk out on me!"



I ignored her. I didn't want to listen to the words of someone who has       
already lost herself...actually I just didn't want to listen to her any longer.
It pains me to hear her words. I was bothered of what she said. I am still
his messenger. I am not like them. I do not make him unhappy. Perhaps I am somewhat like Jegudiel. I hurt other people's feelings for him. How could I
insult my own sister like that? More importantly, how could I decide what
God thinks? I would never know. How could I speak his words if I am not him?
I am not perfect any more. Am I being carried away by sin just like that?
I didn't even notice. I can't believe how weak I am compared to the
devil when I am at this state, but I shall resist. Wait for me, my lord.
I will come back soon.